In order to build Restorative Writers as a radically different space for women to relate across privilege, Princess and Tatyana have made concrete and specific commitments to one another. You can read them or watch the video below.
(In the spirit of having white folks take responsibility for the actions that create white supremacist systems, Tatyana’s vows are listed first below.)
TATYANA
I promise:
-To regard you as the expert of your life experience, and to believe you when you tell me that something doesn’t feel right—whether it’s in our dynamic or somewhere else in your experience.
-To prioritize your well being over my comfort at all times. I promise to prioritize understanding the complexities of our dynamic and my role in white supremacy (and its dismantling) as thoroughly as I possibly can without your guidance or education, and to seek outside resources when they can be helpful.
-To stop immediately and work to get more perspective if you ever bring something to my attention about a dynamic that’s not working for you.
-To take on the education and/or emotional labor that arises from our white participants experiencing “race-based stress” in ways that would otherwise become harmful for you and/or our WOC participants, and to share with you what’s happening in that process only insofar as it allows us to move forward thoughtfully as collaborators.
-To be there as support in whatever ways you need when handling white supremacist incidents (including everything from behind-the-scenes care to interceding on your behalf if you request it).
-To keep my position as a white woman at the forefront of my mind when offering feedback or assuming I understand.
-To trust your intelligence, talents, and ability to guide your decisions, and to enter all of our collaborations with faith in you as a partner whose thoughts and opinions matter just as much as my own.
-To listen all the way to the end of your ideas even when I feel enthusiastic and want to talk.
PRINCESS
I promise:
-To regard my personal experiences with racism as valid.
I promise to also recognize that my experiences are not the monolith of POC experience and should not be treated as such.
-To prioritize my well-being over your comfort at all times. I promise to prioritize my health above all and practice self care throughout so that I can be my best self for my co-facilitator and the other participants
-To be open and honest whenever I experience a dynamic that is not working for me.
-To resist the urge to go out of my way to respond with education and/or historical perspective when an white participant doesn’t understand the deeper implications of something that is racist
-To respond to triggering incidents within the group dynamic while making sure I do not take on too much emotionally.
-To focus on giving the clearest responses that articulate when and where any triggering happened so everyone can come away with a clear understanding.
-To practice active listening when you share ideas and to try to hear what you’re saying instead of what I believe that you will say based on negative past experiences.
We Both Promise:
-To be transparent about all of our thoughts and concerns regarding class participants and group dynamics, and to communicate with compassion and awareness of the struggles others face.
-To always consult with each other as collaborators and friends before making big changes in our projects, and to rely on one another’s opinions in forming our course of action.
-To honor each other’s ideas and contributions by giving them space and time to breathe.
-To repeat what we heard the other say back to make sure we understand one another.
-To always notice and appreciate each other’s contributions to our shared work, and to name that appreciation in ways that we can each hear and feel.
-To make time to laugh with one another, and to celebrate our friendship outside of our work together when we can.
Think you’d like to join us in the space we’re building? If you identify as a woman, you can register for Restorative Writers below!
